So apparently I am real slow...at blogging that is :)
But I wanted to keep up and further explain my life's goal in loving slow. Just a clarification if you haven't read my other posts -this "loving slow" thing is not something I do all the time unfortunately, its not something I have mastered, and honestly some days I stink at it. It is the exact opposite of what is natural for me- but how I want to live like this so bad.
Loving Aaron -aside from Christ-is my favorite person to love slow but he is also the one that I neglect to love slow the most-although he on the other hand does a fantastic job of loving me slow. As I reflect on why this is so, i can only concluded that I let the "urgency get in the way of my priorities" (quoted from my dear friend) I desire and plan to love Aaron slow each day and give him my full attention when he is telling me a story from his day or an idea he has but then.... a glass of milk is spilled, someone is crying, everyone is napping and i really need to get a shower, or some other "urgent" agenda item needs to be completed.
We were blessed to be apart of a Marriage Bible study led by one of our newest pastors and his wife last fall (this couple seriously has the most amazing marriage) and they challenged us wives to love our husbands slow-and although I am pretty sure they didn't use that phrase-that is exactly what the challenge was. Instead of doing the dishes while he watches the game, forget the dishes for the moment and just go sit beside him and watch the game. If you hate basketball(or whatever it may be) -learn to love it! He wants not just someone-but you-his wife-to be his buddy. Marilyn also challenged us that no matter what we are doing when he begins talking to put what we are doing down, turn and listen and be fully engaged. What if our husbands are really needing us to actively listen and after only a few moments of what we feel is just going to be small talk they reveal something they are struggling with, an issue at work, or whatever -and we miss it because that soap scum ring was just really bugging us.
Before we got married Aaron and I read several books and had amazing counsel from Bro. Ricky Cunningham of Hardin Baptist. One of the things we discussed and read was how obviously different people receive and give love. Almost five years have gone by and we were laying in bed the other night and it hit me I totally am loving Aaron the way I want to be loved. It's almost as if I forgot what his love language was and instead displaced it with what I thought it should be---mine. I have found that doing that-loving someone in a way they don't necessarily receive love-- is like banging your head against the wall. Let me put some flesh on this- scenario : I work hard all day to make sure the house is spotless... i think wow Aaron is going to come home and the house is going to be a "sanctuary" for him. He will surely know how much I love him because his sheets smell like downy and his shower like comet. I work tirelessly thinking I truly am loving him sacrificially. You may think this sounds silly but if I came in after a long day this would truly make me feel so loved and appreciated. Aaron comes in and says, "house looks nice".. While he appreciates the house being clean it does NOT make him feel more loved. He would much rather me rest and be refreshed and ready for a night out or a long night watching movies and talking-than to have a spotless home.
And while this next part might make my grandmother blush- we also must intimately and intensely love our husbands slow and with great attention in the bedroom. This might be the most important part of loving them. Loving them slow in this area is being intentional about carving out time, it is initiating to them throughout the day via text, phone call, etc.., it is dying to yourself and elevating their needs above your own. Lisa Hyland-whom I refer to often-was challenging a group of women to think about our husbands as buckets and we get to fill them up. We don't want to only fill them up half way- so the world can fill them up the rest of the way, we don't even want to fill them up just to the top but we want to fill them up so much that they are overflowing. So that when they are in the world and Satan tempts them they are so full they can't even think about partaking.
One way that helps me to stay focused on Loving Aaron slow is trying to think of ways to bless him. Whether its cooking his favorite meal or planning an outing for us. Sometimes my idea bank runs dry... Post ideas and lets encourage each other to bless our husbands this upcoming week and love them slow.
oh and here are a few books that have been recommended to me-most of these I have read-a couple are on my "need to list"
His Needs Her Needs-William F. Harley
Love and Respect-Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Sacred Marriage-Gary Thomas
The Fruit of Her Hands-Nancy Wilson
Creative Counterpart-Linda Dillow
Feminine Appeal- Carolyn Mahaney
and here are some sermon series links-
http://www.owensborochurch.com/audio/by/album/song_of_songs
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/the-peasant-princess
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